thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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