Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
