For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
