They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
