I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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