i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Bring me that man meat
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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