We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
