Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
