I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
