I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
