anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
