I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
