Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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