Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
