i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
