i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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