I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
