we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
