i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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