:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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