hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
