I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
