I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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