Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
