we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
