Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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