I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
