apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
