you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
