why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
