A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm always down for nudity.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
