Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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