I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
