Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
