You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
