Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
