I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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