Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
