just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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