sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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