get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
