He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
