i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
4 words: hood of his car
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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