my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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