Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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