you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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