Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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