just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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