I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
