Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
