Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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