I wish my penis had an off switch
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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