Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
