Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
