her vagine was all disorganized.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
