OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
