take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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