just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
