this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
