he thought i was a dude.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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