96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we're making bets on your personal life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
